i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
