The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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