I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
