My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
