I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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