So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
