we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm both gender and math confused
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
