why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
