you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
