just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
