I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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