I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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