I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
