I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
