So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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