felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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