It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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