I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I love you. Go after that dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
