imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hippo gnu deer
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
