So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
