I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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