dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.