i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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