you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
