Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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