...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
