his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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