Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!