my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet