The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic