didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
