I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably