i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
whose parrot is this?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads