with your own penis?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar