I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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