remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
