Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
