Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
