tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
