obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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