Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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