you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
