is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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