U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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