people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dear god my vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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