Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
