She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
