non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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