i always forget guys have bellybuttons
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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