we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
