He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Enjoy the penises
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize