I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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