Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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