I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
