don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
someone owes me an orgasm
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
