How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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