There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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