its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize