I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you bring me the toilet please
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