I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
