You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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