I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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