What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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