Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
