just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
