So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
