I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is my gift to your gina
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
