you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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