he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
