You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
