He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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