He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
