Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
