Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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