i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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