I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
