We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
