Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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