Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ttyl tear gas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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