Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
