Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
