Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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