Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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