Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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