I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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