i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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