I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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