you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
