Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
