Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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