It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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