Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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