he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
