So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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