yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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