I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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