Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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