your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
